


Extension of You

by noahliza



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'll edit tags as i go, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahliza/pseuds/noahliza
Summary: Ventus finds Vanitas, as a truly empty creature. Vanitas is desperate to feel, Ventus just wanted to start his new life with his friends. Maybe, they can both get what they desire.
Relationships: Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 113
Kudos: 115





	1. Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> "Does it feel good to love  
> To hand out your all  
> To hand out your all  
> Does it feel good to hate  
> To shelter oneself  
> To shelter oneself  
> Does it feel good to live  
> To treasure the now  
> To treasure the now  
> Does it feel good to die  
> To live your next life  
> To live your next life"  
> -Mili

Ven was out on a mission, clearing Heartless from the woods around the kingdom of Corona, when he found Vanitas again.

Or rather, when Vanitas found him. 

He quickly recognized the silhouetted form of Vanitas in the shadows, and took a deep breath to steady himself. He gripped his keyblade so tightly it hurt.  _ I thought I was  _ **_done_ ** _ with you. _

As Vanitas came closer, Ven realized something was off. There was no purpose to Vanitas’ stride, no feeling of malicious darkness. Ven all but stopped fighting as he watched Vanitas amble forward as if he were stuck in a daze.

A Shadow leaped at Ven, re-starting the battle. Ven tried to keep an awareness of Vanitas’ presence as he continued forward, but it was difficult to pick one darkness’ energy out from many. 

So difficult, that Ven didn’t realize Vanitas was right behind him, until Vanitas took a hit from a Bizarre Archer. He stumbled forward, directly into Ven — and took Ven down with him.

“What are you  _ doing _ ?!” Ven yelled, shoving to get Vanitas off him. He was practically dead weight, so Ven quit shoving and wiggled out from under Vanitas instead.

Ven looked down and waited for Vanitas to respond. Nothing. He moved sluggishly, like he was going through jelly instead of air. Ven moved away and resumed fighting, this time keeping a closer eye on Vanitas. It slowed down the fight, but he still managed to clear the area reasonably fast.

Finally, Ven could wholly focus on his other half. Vanitas had stood himself up, and had started approaching Ven again. Still with that slow, ambling walk. Slower, now. Ven studied Vanitas as he approached.

“You’re wounded…” He murmured, confused. “What are you doing? Why are you here?” He eyed Vanitas’ side. He hadn’t realized it right away, but it was bleeding freely from the hit Vanitas took. Dark, black blood. Vanitas wasn’t covering it, not even to slow the bloodflow. His movements were uneven, instinctively favoring the unwounded side.

Vanitas continued forward, Ven stepped back.

“Why are you  _ here _ , Vanitas?!”

Vanitas paused. “Scared.” 

His voice was quiet, but he didn’t sound afraid. He didn’t sound anything.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re…afraid. You’re mad.” Vanitas started walking towards Ven again. “You…hate me? Do you?”

“How could I not, after everything that happened?!” 

Vanitas was silent for a long moment. “I don’t know.” He reached out to Ven as he got closer. His arm trembled.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Ven gestured at Vanitas’ wound.

“Yes.” Vanitas tilted his head slightly. His helmet was as unnerving as ever — Ven had no idea what he was thinking, what he might be planning.

“Can you take your helmet off?”

Vanitas yanked it off, carelessly dropping it on the ground. Now unmasked, he stared blankly at Ven. He couldn’t help but wonder if that’s what Vanitas had been doing the whole time.

“Worried.”

“Well, yeah.” Ven shifted his footing uncomfortably. “You’re…acting really weird. Why are you here?”

“Looking for you.” 

“ _ Why _ ?”

“To feel.”

“What are you  _ talking _ about?!” Ven asked incredulously. “What happened do your  _ ‘horde of fledgling emotions’ _ ?!”

Vanitas stared at him blankly.

“What… What’s  _ wrong _ with you?!” 

“I don’t know.”

“What happened?!” Ven was losing steam already, Vanitas’ weird deadpan attitude was as tiring as it was irritating. 

“I don’t know.”

“Go be confused somewhere else, then! Leave me alone!” Ven stomped out of the clearing, away from Vanitas. He’d finished clearing out the Heartless, he was done here. He didn’t have to stick around for  _ Vanitas _ of all people.

Once he was sure he was far away enough, Ven summoned his armor and hopped on his glider; headed toward home.

Somehow, Vanitas managed to follow Ven back.

“What’s  _ he _ doing here?” Aqua positioned herself in front of Ven, keyblade out. 

“He found me in Corona.” Ven peeked around her at Vanitas. He hadn’t put his helmet back on, hadn’t done anything about the wound on his side. “Something’s not right.”

“What do you mean, Ven?” Terra looked at him curiously, his stance more relaxed than Aqua’s.

“I mentioned the Unversed, and he didn’t know what I was talking about. It’s like there’s something wrong with his memory.”

Vanitas began approaching Ven, not an ounce of recognition for Aqua, or her keyblade’s unspoken threat.

Aqua moved to attack, but Terra gently held her shoulder. “Hang on.”

“Why?!” Aqua gestured at Vanitas, “Can I not defend us from him?”

“Ven’s right, something’s really weird here.” Terra shrugged. “He’s walking like a zombie.”

“But…what do we do, then?” Aqua hesitantly lowered her keyblade.

“Maybe the lab would know what’s wrong with him..?” Ven wondered aloud. 

“In Radiant Garden?” Aqua thought. “That might be a good idea, if we can manage to get him there…”

“What if we let him sleep here tonight, and take him tomorrow?”

Ven and Aqua both turned to look at Terra incredulously.

“And why do you think he wouldn’t try to pull anything?” Aqua asked.

“Well, he apparently didn’t when he found Ven before, and he hasn’t yet here.” Terra gestured to Vanitas, who had slowly but surely gotten close to the group. 

“True… He does seem…very docile.” Aqua narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Vanitas, if we let you stay here, will you behave?” Ven couldn’t believe he was asking such a question.

“Do you stay here?”

Ven sighed. “Yes, I stay here. You’ll be able to feel, or whatever it was that you said.” 

“I will behave.” 

—

The night went without incident, though Ven did find Vanitas sitting outside of his room in the morning. It was creepy, how Vanitas could sense his whereabouts like that.

Terra made everyone breakfast, Ven scarfed his down and then spent way too much time making Vanitas eat his. It wasn’t even that he was docile, he just seemed… truly empty. He could recognize what Ven was feeling, but it didn’t seem to affect him at all. If he wasn’t following Ven, or doing what Ven told him to do, he was just…still. 

It was unnerving.

Fortunately, Vanitas’ drive to be near Ven made the trip to Radiant Garden easy. Unfortunately, Ven forgot to give anyone at the lab a heads up as to who he was bringing in — or that he was coming, either.

It didn’t go as bad as it could have, or should have.

Ienzo had his nose shoved into a book, unsurprisingly. It took him a moment to register Ven’s presence, and another to realize Vanitas was with him, and a  _ third _ to become alarmed of the potential threat.

“It’s okay, Ienzo.” Ven placated. “There’s something wrong with him, I figured maybe you guys could take a look at him..?” 

“Oh, certainly.” Ienzo nodded. “You’re very sure he won’t pose a threat to us during testing?”

“I wouldn’t bring him in if he was a threat, don’t you trust me?” 

“Just making sure.” Ienzo smiled. “Vanitas, could you follow me?”

Ven followed instead, sighing in frustration. “He’s been trying to stick with me since he found me.”

“Interesting… Do you think this could be due to your unusual bond?” Ienzo glanced back to ensure that Vanitas was following Ven.

“I mean…probably?” Ven shrugged. “I just don’t know what’s with the blank stares and everything.”

“I see.” Ienzo nodded briefly as he entered one of the testing rooms. “Vanitas, could you lie down on that cot?”

Vanitas obeyed silently, and Ienzo quickly put him under to begin the study. Ven waited off to the side, wishing this could be over already.

After what felt like an eternity of playing on his Gummiphone, Ven finally heard Ienzo pipe up.

“It seems that he’s lost all of his memories, this is most curious…”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not any sort of repression, there’s simply nothing there. He truly seems to be a blank slate. I’ve never seen anything like this!”

“How’d he even come back?” Ven asked. “He was defeated in the Keyblade Graveyard like the other Darknesses.”

“It may be due to your connection, or perhaps his memories still exist somewhere, in some form…” Ienzo thought for a moment. “We’re still looking through our…darker research, perhaps there’s something in that data. I’ll keep an eye out, and let you know if we find anything out.”

“Oh, alright… What’s he supposed to do until then?” Ven glanced over at Vanitas, not wanting to hear the likely answer.

“He’s rather attached to you, so I suppose it would be easiest for him to stay with you. I’m sure you’ll be able to set some sort of boundaries with him. He has no memory, but his mental faculties are functioning.”

“Great.” Ven muttered under his breath. Mere months into his new start on life with Terra and Aqua, and already his other half was getting in the way.


	2. Care

The days passed, and dealing with Vanitas didn’t get any easier.

After a few botched missions, there had been a  _ talk _ , explaining to Vanitas that he couldn’t follow Ven out — he had to stay in the Land of Departure. His near-lifeless eyes did nothing to convey an understanding of the  _ importance _ of staying behind, but he obeyed.

It was almost like taking care of a doll, rather than watching over another person. The fact that Vanitas even needed  _ watched over _ was aggravating. But, after an extremely busy couple days where he, Aqua, and Terra were in-and-out on missions; Vanitas had ended up a shaking mess. He’d realized that he was hungry, but had no desire to make something to eat. Ven had stormed into the kitchen afterwards, angrily pointing out all of the things Vanitas could eat without cooking.

It was frustrating, trying to figure out which things Vanitas had somehow kept in his mind, and which he hadn’t.

And so, Ven found himself digging through the library. He wasn’t sure quite what he should be looking for, but anything that might get Vanitas out of his hair quickly would do.

“Ven?”

The hairs on the back of Ven’s neck stood up. He turned, and saw Vanitas standing in the doorway.

“Don’t call me that!” Ven snapped.

“Why not?” 

“You never used to, it’s… It’s just weird! You’re creeping me out.” 

“I never used to…” Vanitas echoed. “What did I call you?”

“You called me Ventus.” Ven huffed. “Only my friends call me Ven.  _ We are not friends. _ ”

“Okay.” Vanitas nodded. He wasn’t disappointed at the rejection, or happy to see Ven angry, or…anything.

So irritating.

“Terra asked me to find you, Ventus.” Vanitas finally spoke. He must have realized Ven wasn’t going to reply. “It’s dinner time.”

“Already?!” Ven whirled around to look at the library’s clock. He’d really lost track of time…

Ven took off for the dining hall, leaving Vanitas to wander there on his own.

“There you are, Ven!” Terra smiled as Ven hurried into the dining hall, then paused. “Did Vanitas not find you?”

“He did.” Ven replied, hoping Terra wasn’t going to send him off to go get Vanitas.

Terra sighed quietly, but didn’t. “I know it’s hard, but he’s not the same as he was.” He left a  _ ‘could you be a bit nicer to him?’ _ unspoken.

It had only been a couple weeks, but somehow Terra had warmed up to Vanitas, at least a bit. Ven couldn’t help but wonder if he knew something, but wasn’t sure how to ask.

Maybe Terra just felt bad enough that he could set aside his feelings.

Dinner went smoothly, though Vanitas wandered in a little late. Terra made a thing out of inviting Vanitas to the table, for some reason. It didn’t make any sense, Vanitas couldn’t even react to the kind gesture. It was just…stupid. Judging by Aqua’s reactions, she felt similarly.

Afterwards, it was Ven’s turn to do the dishes. He had a feeling that he wasn’t going to get time alone while doing them.

The feeling was proven right after Vanitas dropped off his dirty dishes and then remained in the kitchen.

“What do you want?” Ven asked, scrubbing a pan harder than he needed to.

“Why do you hate me?” 

“Huh?” Ven turned to gawk.

“I can feel it. And you said earlier that I can’t call you what everyone else does.”

“You  _ really _ wanna know?”

Vanitas paused. 

“ _ Well? _ ” Ven snapped.

“No. But Terra said it’s important to understa-”

“If  _ you _ don’t want to, then I won’t tell you! Go away!”

Vanitas left the kitchen, though Ven was sure he didn’t go far. He seethed as he cleaned, scrubbing the dishes as if he were trying to scrub his foul mood away.

— 

Vanitas had found Ven in the library again — half asleep, this time. As much as Ven wanted to figure out how to get Vanitas out of here, sitting inside and reading all day was… _ so boring. _

Vanitas wasn’t a welcome distraction, but he was there anyway. He’d quietly sat himself against the wall near Ven’s table, instead of sitting in one of the other chairs. He was still and silent, Ven could almost forget that he was there, if not for his constant awareness that a dark presence was nearby.

"Ventus, why didn't you or Aqua kill me when we came back? I wouldn't have cared." 

Ven turned and stared at Vanitas in shock. “Why?!”

“You hate me, don’t you?”

"Why are you asking this? Do you care now?" 

Vanitas was silent for a long moment, dull eyes fixed on the ground. "No." 

" _ Then why even ask? _ " Shock gave way to frustration. Had Terra had some kind of talk with Vanitas again?

"I don't know." 

"You're impossible. Why did you even  _ ask _ ?!" Ven snapped. "If you really have to know, I thought you'd die on your own! You were injured and you didn’t even care! But no, you just had to follow me home! And for some reason, you were pitiful enough for Terra to feel bad and let you stay!" 

Vanitas nodded evenly, enraging Ven. 

"At least  _ react _ !" Ven spat. He hated this. He hated all of this. He couldn't even tell if his anger was strong enough to reach through Vanitas' haze. 

“I…don’t know what reaction to have. I don’t know what the right one is. I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not! You’re just saying that!” Ven closed what little distance was between the two, shouting in Vanitas’ face. “You don’t even know what guilt  _ is _ any more! Just go away!”

Vanitas stared at Ven closely, studying his face; before he replied quietly. “I don’t want to.”

“I DON’T CARE!” Ven whirled around and walked across the room. “Leave me alone!”

He felt Vanitas’ blank stare on his back for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he heard Vanitas get up and leave.

_ Alone at last. _

But, as he sat back down to try researching again, guilt of his own started to creep into his heart.

He wandered the hallways, restless from his own stupid conscience. 

“What are you doing?” Terra’s voice, from around the corner.

“Pacing.” Vanitas’ voice replied quickly.

“Oh, uh. Okay, why?”

“Restless. Ventus feels bad.” 

Irritation lit up inside Ven again, smothering his guilt.  _ Is it too much to ask for privacy in my own heart?! _

“What do you mean bad?” Terra sounded a bit confused.

“Oh. He’s angry now.”

There was a moment of silence. Ven could almost feel Vanitas staring in his direction, thanks to his constant awareness of Ven’s whereabouts.

He wished that connection went both ways, so he knew where to  _ avoid _ .

“Just give him some time. You guys have a…complicated past.”

Ven held in a snort,  _ leave it to Terra to word things that simply. _

He snuck back the way he’d come, to avoid running into the two. 

_ It must be nice to avoid getting stuck in details, though. _ Maybe that’s why Terra had warmed up to Vanitas so quickly.

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ven will be less angry soon, don't worry!!!  
> i'll admit i really like writing him be a brat though, hah


	3. Mirror

Despite Ven becoming used to irritation in the morning, in the form of Vanitas sleeping on the floor outside his bedroom, he was excited for what today would bring. They’d finally set aside a couple days every week to spar with each other, provided missions didn’t get in the way. It wasn’t until the topic had been brought up over dinner one night, that Ven realized how much he missed practicing and sparring with Aqua and Terra.

Ven quickly got himself ready and rushed downstairs to grab a quick breakfast, knowing that Aqua and Terra were likely already finished and ready to begin. He didn’t even spare a glance or thought to Vanitas’ sleeping form by his door. 

After hurrying through breakfast, Ven ran outside and joined Aqua and Terra in doing warmup stretches.

“So nice of you to join us, Ven.” Aqua teased, smiling warmly at him.

Ven stuck his tongue out in response, and started doing his stretches.

He watched Aqua and Terra spar first, while practicing his form. He was too excited to sit still and observe. 

Finally, it was his turn. He and Terra faced each other and started, trading blocks and blows. Terra’s keyblade rose for a powerful downward thrust, and everything darkened.

He fell to the ground, shaking in pain and exhaustion as the wind whistled between spires of stone, drifting sand and dust into his already blurred vision.

“ _ Get up, we are not yet finished for the day. _ ” 

He gritted his teeth, catching the inside of his cheek between until it bled. He stood, and was struck down again, skidding across the rocky ground. He braced himself with gloved hands, preparing to push himself up once again.

“Ven?!  _ Ven?! _ ” Terra’s voice jolted Ven back to the present — on the ground with Terra carefully grasping his shoulders. “What happened?!”

Ven drew in a shuddery breath and realized he’d started to cry, tears silently streaking down his cheeks. “I-”

“ _ What did you do to him? _ ” Aqua barked, stern tone barely masking her defensive anger. Both Terra and Ven quickly turned to look.

She had Vanitas cornered, his back against a tree. He was curled in on himself tightly, seeming almost as shaken as Ven felt.

“ _ What did you do? _ ” Aqua repeated, arms crossed and standing tall.

“Nothing!” Vanitas’ voice rose in fear.

This was all wrong.

Aqua opened her mouth to respond, and Ven interrupted. “He’s telling the truth, Aqua…”

She whipped around in surprise. “What?”

“I… I don’t know what happened.” Ven admitted, wiping his tears away with his arm. “I’m… Pretty sure it wasn’t his fault.”

“Pretty sure?” She repeated, eyebrow raised.

Ven huffed out something like a laugh. “Yeah, I know that’s not much to go off of… I think I need to go back to the lab.”

“What happened?” Terra released Ven’s shoulders, but his worry was still obvious.

“I don’t know… It was like a flashback or something.” Ven shrugged, trying not to worry his friends any more than he had.

Behind Aqua, Vanitas’ posture slowly relaxed.

“If you think it’ll help, you should definitely go,” Aqua strode towards him, leaving Vanitas. “Do you want us to come with, and make sure everything’s okay?”

Ven held in a groan, not wanting to be babied — though he admitted to himself that it was a bit justified here. “No, I’ll be alright. Whatever it was, the feeling passed already. I’m okay.” He smiled, hoping it was reassuring enough. 

“Alright.” Terra nodded. “Just be careful.”

“Let us know if anything happens, we’ll be there to help right away.” Aqua added.

“Don’t worry.” Ven flashed another smile. “I’ll keep you updated.”

Ven rushed inside to grab his gummiphone, Vanitas following from a distance. His expression was grim as he watched Ven call Ienzo, giving a heads up that they’d be coming by to do more testing.

As Ven flew the two of them to Radiant Garden, he couldn’t avoid thinking about what had happened — what he hoped wasn’t the cause, what he knew deep down  _ was _ .

He hurried into the lab, hurried to Ienzo with Vanitas following behind.

“Ah, you’re here already.” Ienzo seemed a bit surprised. He quickly slid a bookmark into the text he was reading and set it down. “So, what were you hoping to get a look at?”

“I think I know where Vanitas’ memories went.” Ven started, his anxiety weighing heavily enough to make him feel sick. Ienzo glanced past his shoulder, then focused on him again. “I think they’re in me.”

“Oh, my. I suppose that may make sense… Perhaps I should have looked at your heart as well during your prior visit. Did something happen to cause you to think this?”

Ven nodded. “I had… A flashback or something, earlier today. It wasn’t my memory though. I think it was Vanitas’.”

“Ah, yes, that definitely is strong evidence… Alright. Go ahead and lay on the cot, I’ll begin shortly.”

“’Kay.” Ven nodded and laid down, trying his best to keep from fidgeting as Ienzo prepared. Once all the wires and gadgets were in place, Ven began to drift off. 

-

He awoke mildly disoriented, his sense of time and place a bit muddled. 

“Take a moment to re-orient yourself.” Ienzo said, from across the room. 

“It’s fine.” Ven shook his head, ignoring the way it made his balance lurch. He wondered if Vanitas had felt like this after his testing. He pushed the thought out of his mind before he could feel guilty. “Did you find anything?”

“I did. It looks like you were right. You, at some point, acquired Vanitas’ memories. I suspect that perhaps, while you slept in Sora’s heart, he did as well.”

“Why would that give me his memories, though?” Ven asked. “Can you take them back out?”

Ienzo shook his head. “I cannot. While we have the technology to look into your heart’s memories, we cannot alter them. It’s just…not what we developed the lab to do.” 

“Oh…”

“Perhaps, if you can only access them in flashbacks, you may be fine for the most part.” Ienzo mused. “Ah, to answer your first question, I suspect you either acquired his memories when you created the unstable x-blade, or your heart may have tried to absorb his, and only gotten his memories.”

Ven grimaced. “Absorbed?”

“Yes, your heart may have tried to assimilate his, since he originally was split from you.”

“Gotcha…” Ven felt sick. “Well… Thank you for taking a look for me. I better head back before Aqua and Terra get worried.”

“Certainly. Please feel free to let me know if you need anything else.”

“Right.” Ven nodded. “Well, I’ll see ya.” He turned and left, hurrying his pace once he was out of the lab. He slammed the hatch of the gummiship shut and curled up into a ball on the floor.

The other person in the flashback was Master Xehanort.  _ Does that mean…his whole life was like that? _ Ven had always seen Vanitas as a co-conspirator, as someone just as evil as the old man. He didn’t want to be wrong, but how could he still think he was right after experiencing  _ that _ ?

_ Just how many times had that exact scene played out? _

It made Ven sick to his stomach. 

After a long moment, Ven sat himself up properly and tried to calm himself with deep breaths, meditation. He’d always been too fidgety to  _ actually  _ meditate, but at least the basics could be helpful at times.

His heartrate slowed to normal, and he felt less queasy.

A few seconds later, there was a knock on the gummiship’s hatch.

“Can I come in?” Vanitas’ voice.

“Yeah.”

The hatch opened, and Vanitas stepped on, his expression closely mirroring the upset Ven hadn’t fully managed to calm.

Ven’s mouth fell open in surprise as he realized what that probably meant.

Before he could ask, Vanitas spoke.

“I’m sorry that you have my memories.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, oh man :')


	4. Feedback

“Wh- What?” Ven stammered. 

“I’m sorry.” Vanitas repeated. “Because the memory you saw was upsetting.”

Ven’s upset surged again, now conflicted. He didn’t want these memories, but if they were all terrible like the one he’d experienced, would Vanitas even want them back?

Either way… He’d  _ stolen _ them. It felt wrong, voyeuristic, to see someone else’s memories like that. He was sure Vanitas would never want someone to know what he’d experienced.

“Vanitas, I…” He started. “ _ I’m _ sorry.” Ven chewed on his lip, not sure if Vanitas understood. His expression only mirrored Ven’s own guilt.

He slowly stepped closer and opened his arms, wrapping Vanitas in a careful embrace.

“I’m so sorry.” Ven murmured. “It’s my fault. It’s my fault you’re like this.”

Vanitas was silent, and when Ven pulled back, he saw that Vanitas’ face had become expressionless again.

“Vanitas..?” Ven asked warily. “Are you okay?”

Vanitas blinked slowly, taking a long moment before he responded. “You’re upset, so I am too.”

_ He’s…masking it? _

“Did you apologize because I’m upset, or because you are?”

“I don’t know.”

Ven tried to figure it out himself, but only succeeded in making his head spin. Maybe there wasn’t a difference. After all, Vanitas was only experiencing Ven’s emotions. He decided to drop it, and flew them back home.

They returned home and Ven was immediately surrounded by Aqua and Terra, as concerned as they were glad to see him home. Vanitas stood in the background, silent and expressionless, as Ven explained what he’d learned. He felt like a thief.

—

As the days passed, Ven not experiencing any more of Vanitas’ memories, things went somewhat back to how they’d been. Ven no longer spent time in the library trying to figure out how to fix Vanitas, and instead spent that time practicing with his keyblade. 

Well, that, and avoiding Vanitas.

With nothing else to force Ven into thinking about how…terrible Vanitas’ life must have been, it was almost easy to fall back into being annoyed with him.

He still followed Ven around, almost constantly. When he wasn’t being a  _ stalker _ , he wandered.

The problem with that, was that when Vanitas wandered, Terra would often go talk to him. Watching Terra walk off with the intention of finding Vanitas for a chat made Ven  _ seethe _ . It was just pointless, like talking to a brick wall. He didn’t understand why Terra even tried. Aqua didn’t understand either, but didn’t share Ven’s anger.

Anger that turned into a twisted sort of glee when Ven accidentally slammed a door into Vanitas’ face.

He’d been going into the kitchen to grab a drink. When the door hit something that wasn’t normally in the door’s way, he’d  _ almost  _ apologized.

Vanitas stood, looking almost dazed, and Ven had to bite back a laugh. 

But, Vanitas didn’t mirror Ven’s reaction. He didn’t even  _ look _ at Ven, only downward when blood started dripping out of his nose.

Ven felt slighted, somehow.

“Why are you  _ here _ ?!” 

“I was going to get something to eat… I missed lunch.” Vanitas cupped one hand over his nose. “Terra reminded me.”

“Not here in the kitchen!” Ven bristled. “Why are you here?! Why are you in my home?!”

“I thought you were letting me until I was fixed.” Vanitas glared. “Plus, Terra said-”

“Oh, Terra,  _ Terra _ ,  **_Terra!_ ** ” Ven interrupted. “If you think he’s so great, go bother him instead!”

“You’ll just get jealous!” 

“I’m not jealous! You don’t know  _ anything _ !”

“ _ I know everything you feel! _ ”

Ven lunged, tackling Vanitas to the ground. The two grappled and rolled on the floor, punching and pushing and yanking and kicking as they screamed at each other. Vanitas shoved Ven into the table, his head slamming into one leg hard enough to knock everything over. A cutting board fell, nearly landing on Ven. 

He realized a knife had fallen with it, but it was too late. Vanitas had seen it first. Ven watched in slow motion as he grabbed it and started to bring it down.

He kicked, connecting solidly with Vanitas’ stomach. Vanitas skidded back with a grunt, dropping the knife reflexively to cover his stomach.

Ven grabbed the knife and quickly positioned himself over Vanitas. He swung, the knife plunging downward-

A hand grabbed his wrist, holding it firmly in place. 

“ _ What are you  _ **_doing_ ** _?! _ ”

Ven blinked. Terra. That was Terra’s hand. Aqua’s hands gently coaxed the knife out of Ven’s grip, and she placed it back on the table.

“Are you two calmed down, or do we need to separate you ourselves?” Aqua crossed her arms sternly, looking down at both of them.

Ven took a deep breath. “I’m calm.”

“Me too.” Vanitas replied.

“Okay.” Terra released his grip, and Ven realized he’d been holding Vanitas’ wrist as well.

Ven and Vanitas both slowly backed away from each other, both of them looking pointedly away from the other.

“What happened?” Aqua asked. Now that the situation was less urgent, she just looked worried.

Ven shrugged. “I just got…really angry.”

“So you tried to  _ stab _ each other?” Terra sounded worried too. 

“It just escalated really fast, I don’t know.” Ven sighed. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Aqua sighed. “Please, just…don’t ever do that again.”

Ven nodded, shame burning inside. This felt like he was being scolded like a  _ child _ . It was so different from what he would expect to receive after trying to kill someone. But, maybe it was enough this time. Ven didn’t  _ want _ to kill Vanitas, not really. He didn’t understand why things had gotten out of hand so fast. He walked out of the kitchen and glanced at Vanitas, who was still pointedly not looking at anyone.

“Are you okay, too, Vanitas?” Terra asked. 

Ven walked away, not bothering to listen to the reply. He knew what it would be.

He went up to his room and flopped into bed. He replayed the fight in his head over and over, trying to figure out what had happened, how they’d become so angry so fast. 

It was almost like a loop, as if Ven could somehow feel Vanitas’ emotions too. 

But that didn’t make any sense, since Vanitas didn’t  _ have _ any. Plus, Ven was never able to in the past. 

Ven sighed, deciding to drop it rather than get himself worked up about something that would never happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mutual assured destruction, or something. (shrugs)


	5. Spark

Vanitas started to keep more of a distance, though Ven still found him outside his bedroom most mornings. Ven wondered what Aqua and Terra had told him to keep him away, but was glad it seemed to work. 

Things were easier if he didn’t have to worry about… _ that _ happening again. Both Aqua and Terra tried to talk to him about it, but nothing could really be said when Ven wasn’t even sure what happened.

That, and Vanitas had refused to say anything at all, after confirming he’d calmed down along with Ven. It unnerved him, since he’d been so sure that Vanitas would just echo his sentiments again. 

He didn’t understand why Vanitas was hiding anything, why he would even think to do so. But it felt wrong for him to just ask, and Vanitas didn’t really talk to anyone.

Except… Terra.

Ven pushed back against a hot wash of anger —  _ jealousy _ , Vanitas had forced him to admit — and wondered if Vanitas confided in Terra.

Maybe it was a good place to start.

He rushed down to the main floor, hoping to find Terra easily; and instead found Aqua.

“Woah, slow down there! What’s the hurry?” She laughed quietly.

“Oh, I was going to look for Terra. Is he home?”

“No, he’ll be back later though. Did you need something?”

“Well… I was…going to ask him about Vanitas.” Ven answered reluctantly. “Since he’s been talking to him a lot.”

“Oh, did something else happen?” Aqua looked at Ven much more seriously, though she tried to keep her tone light.

“No, I was just… Curious about something. It’s not a big deal, though. Don’t worry!” Ven offered a smile, hoping to put Aqua at ease.

“Alright, just be careful.” Aqua ruffled Ven’s hair. “You know… Since you’re in the mood to look for things, there’s a book that never made it back to the library. Mind putting it back?”

Ven groaned. “Okay, I’ll get it.” He trudged off to his room, Aqua calling out a ‘ _ thank you! _ ’ as he went. 

He looked around his room and knew already this would be a struggle. His room wasn’t  _ dirty _ , but it was messy and disorganized. Already a bit frustrated, he began his search.

He searched for what felt like an eternity, going through the same areas of his room over and over.  _ How is it so hard to find one book?! _ He groaned loudly.

Then, as if the worlds were  _ trying _ to make his day worse, Ven felt a dark presence behind him. A moment passed, and Ven decided he’d just ignore it.

“Ventus, do you-”

“Not right now.” Ven interrupted. “I’m- ugh. I’m trying to find something.”

“Oh, okay.” Vanitas didn’t start his question over, but he moved closer; into Ven’s room. Into Ven’s space. 

Ven bristled, wanting Vanitas  _ out _ . He whipped around to snap at Vanitas, and-

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

The words turned to ash on Ven’s tongue. He swallowed thickly.

“What?”

“Please don’t be mad at me.” Vanitas repeated.

“Vanitas…” Ven beckoned him. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad  _ at _ you, okay?”

“But you were.” Vanitas tilted his head. “I felt it.”

“It’s-” Ven cut himself off with a sigh. “It’s a bit confusing, I guess. I was already mad because I can’t find what I’m looking for. You came in, and I directed that anger at you. I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah. So, it’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

Vanitas nodded, and Ven swore he could see something like relief shine in Vanitas’ eyes.

He left Ven alone to continue his search unbothered. Later that evening, Ven realized that Vanitas never finished asking his question.

Then, that night, Ven dreamed. He was trapped in the shell of a once-magnificent home that slowly crumbled and collapsed around him. With no way out, his only option was the cellar.  _ He couldn’t go into the cellar. _ It was a bad place. He tried in vain to escape through doors, windows, gaps in the walls. 

Finally, he gave up and ran to the cellar door. He desperately grabbed onto the planks of wood keeping it shut, and pulled them off with all his strength. He threw the door open and stepped forwards to run down the stairs. He crumbled into dust.

Ven jerked awake in panic, and hurriedly tried to escape the blankets he’d become entangled in. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like crying.

He wasn’t sure why, but he felt like that wasn’t  _ his _ nightmare.

He didn’t want this…any of this.

The next morning, Aqua thanked Ven for returning the missing book.

Terra had returned earlier, but was nowhere to be found. Ven couldn’t sense Vanitas nearby, either, which meant they were probably hiding and chatting somewhere. He still didn’t like it, but it wasn’t as angering as it used to be.

He waited a while before searching for Terra. Instead, he found Vanitas — who turned to slink away before Ven could even get close.

“Hey, wait! Vanitas!” Ven called out, a bit nervously. Vanitas stopped, looking just as nervous. Ven hurried towards him. 

“Can we talk?”

“You…want to?” Vanitas tilted his head. “Okay.”

“When I had a flashback of your memory a while ago… Did you have the flashback, too?”

“No.” Vanitas shook his head. “I just got the emotions. I have a guess, though.”

“Wait, really?” Ven looked at him in surprise. “You do?”

Vanitas nodded and grabbed the hem of his shirt’s sleeve — Ven realized he’d been so caught up in avoiding Vanitas, he hadn’t realized that he’d traded his darksuit for normal clothes. There was a moment of hesitation, and then Vanitas pulled the sleeve back to reveal a scarred forearm.

“I know it was something awful. Terra told me about Master Xehanort… So I can guess at the specifics.”

Ven suddenly felt ill. “Are those all over?” He blurted out, regretting it immediately.

Vanitas nodded evenly. “Yeah.”

“Oh.” Ven murmured, and an uneasy silence settled over them.

They walked side by side down one of the many near-identical hallways, Ven silently working up the nerve to ask another question. He wasn’t sure why this was so  _ hard _ , Vanitas couldn’t be upset or offended by anything he asked, right..?

“Hey, Vanitas… Why do you and Terra talk so much?”

“He told me he doesn’t hate me, so I knew it was okay.” Vanitas replied simply. “And, he would come find me. That was…”

“…Was what?”

“I don’t know.” Vanitas admitted with a shrug. 

Ven nodded in lieu of a reply, then took a deep breath.

“If we figure out how to give your memories back… Do you even want them?”

Vanitas blinked owlishly. “I don’t know.”

Ven sighed lightly. “Figures.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm actually like way into dream interpretation, so i reverse-engineered that. (if you're interested in trying to find out the meaning, there's lots of sites to look up what symbols in dreams mean!)
> 
> also wow it's weird having vanitas say please :') "someone" has been trying to teach him manners, i suppose...


	6. Request

It was early in the afternoon when Ienzo called. Ven rushed from his training to answer, hoping for some sort of good news.

“Hey, Ienzo. What’s up?”

“We may have a way to remove Vanitas’ memories from your heart. Ansem suggested asking Namine if she’d be able to do anything. She’s unsure, but it may work due to your prior connection with Sora.”

“Oh, gotcha!” Ven nodded. He’d only briefly met Namine, but she seemed sweet. “Do you think it’ll work?”

“The chances aren’t overwhelmingly positive, but they aren’t negative either. It’s risk-free, as well. Either it works, or she can’t work with your heart and nothing happens.”

“Like, for sure?” Ven asked.

Ienzo smiled confidently. “For sure. It’s up to you. And, if Vanitas wants them back, we can try to do that as well.”

Ven paused for a moment, thinking it over. “I’ll do it! And I’ll ask Vanitas, too. Just let me know whenever you guys are ready.”

“Certainly!” Ienzo nodded. “I’ll contact Namine right away, and I’ll send you a message once I know. I’m assuming you’ll want to do this quickly.”

“Yeah. Thanks Ienzo, I really appreciate all the help!”

“Not a problem. It’s valuable research and data, as well.”

“Well now I feel like a lab rat…” Ven pouted over-dramatically.

Ienzo stifled a laugh. “I suppose so. I’ll contact you as soon as I can.”

“Okay, bye. Thanks, again!”

Ven ended the call, allowing himself to hope that the procedure would work.  _ A small chance is still a chance! _

Another wave of hope swept around him.  _ It could work! I could get Vanitas’ memories out! _

Another. _ Namine’s going to take Vanitas’ memories out! She can do it, I’m sure of it! _

Another.  _ I’m getting my heart fixed and Vanitas is getting his fixed, too! _

Another. 

Another.

Until Ven felt like he was going to burst, heartbeat too quick, a grin making his cheeks sore. His discomfort shut it down immediately, the elation leaving him like a deflating balloon. A bit shaken by  _ whatever had just happened _ , he allowed himself to keep a bit of hopefulness.

He decided to find Vanitas. It would be easier to ask quickly, get it over with. Plus, it gave him time to think his options over. 

Instead, he found Terra, and idly wondered if he was cursed to never find who he was looking for. It wouldn’t really be a curse, though, since he’d rather find Terra anyway.

“Oh, hey Ven!” Terra greeted.

“Hey, Terra!” Ven grinned. “What’cha doing?”

“Heading to the kitchen. I don’t think anyone decided on what to do for dinner tonight.”

“Got any ideas?”

“Nah.” Terra shook his head. “Not yet, at least.”

“Hmm…” Ven tried to think of suggestions as he walked with Terra.

They fell into silence as Ven failed to think of anything, his mind going to a different topic and refusing to budge.

“Hey, Terra?” Ven hesitated. “Um… Why do you spend so much time with Vanitas?”

Terra looked down at him in surprise. “Huh? Well… He reminds me of you.”

“ _ Huh? _ ” Ven was taken aback.

“Wait, hang on! Listen.” Terra tried to placate him. “When you first woke up here, you were kinda lost and hazy for a while. And you freaked out that one time.”

Ven didn’t respond, something in his heart stirring at  _ ‘When you first woke up here’ _ .

“I didn’t realize that he reminded me of then at first, Aqua actually said it when I was talking to her about it.” Terra continued.

“Oh, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Terra nodded. “And… You’re my little brother, Ven. So… I guess, he is too.”

Ven was quiet for a long moment. “Terra, you’re a really good person.”

“Huh?” Terra turned towards Ven in confusion, then smiled broadly. “Thanks, Ven!” 

Ven quietly approached and wrapped his arms around Terra, who quickly reciprocated.

“What’s with you all the sudden, are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” Ven assured. “I think I need to apologize to Vanitas, for being a jerk to him. I was…jealous.”

“Jealous?” Terra pulled back a bit in confusion.

“Yeah…” Ven sighed. “I guess I didn’t like having to share.”

Terra laughed and ruffled Ven’s hair. “Don’t worry, I’ve got enough love for the both of you.”

“And for Aqua?”

Terra’s cheeks flushed slightly. “Yeah.”

Ven couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

They got to the kitchen shortly after, and found Vanitas getting some water from the sink. He and Ven both froze for a moment, looking at each other apprehensively.

“Hey, Vanitas,” Ven started, breaking the silence. “Ienzo called me earlier, he might be able to take your memories out of my heart.”

“Oh, that’s good.”

“Yeah. So… If you want, you can take them back. If it works.”

Vanitas blinked owlishly. “Oh. Right.” He looked around the room, as if it would tell him how to answer. He seemed almost…nervous.

“You don’t have to decide right now. Think it over.” 

“Okay.” Vanitas nodded. 

“You guys have any ideas for dinner?” Terra asked, now that the conversation was over.

“Umm…” Ven hummed as he tried to think of something.

“Can we have pancakes?”

Both Terra and Ven froze in shock, staring at Vanitas.

Terra collected himself first. “You want pancakes?”

“Is that…okay?” Vanitas looked wary, uncomfortable due to Terra’s and Ven’s reactions.

“Yeah, of course!” Terra grinned. “I’ll get started right away. Ven, can you go find Aqua and let her know we’ll be eating soon?”

“Okay!” Ven nodded and headed off.

Pancakes for dinner broke an unspoken sort-of-rule, something that had always been a certain way; back when Eraqus was their Master. Breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch foods for lunch, dinner foods for dinner.

But, how could anyone say no to a person’s first request? Especially a request as simple as pancakes.

—

That night, Ven lay half-asleep, thinking over his conversation with Terra again.  _ ‘When you first woke up here’ _ . He slowly drifted off to sleep with the phrase repeating in his mind.

He dreamt of a vast sky full of stars, of endless arms and endless hands reaching up — his own arms reaching up. The sky did not respond. The sky did not care. The stars did not leave, the sun did not rise.

The sky fell, trapping him against the ground as he struggled for some sort of escape in the pitch blackness.

Ven woke with tear-stained cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, i guess even a feedback loop of a positive emotion can be bad :")
> 
> more reverse-engineered dreams...they're fun lol


	7. Dissonance

In the morning, Vanitas was on the floor outside Ven’s door as usual. This time, though, he was awake.

“Vanitas..?” Ven questioned, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Can I ask you questions right now?”

“Um, sure.” 

“Yesterday when we- when you got really happy, was that because you might be able to get rid of my memories?”

“Yeah.” Ven nodded and decided to take a seat on the floor with Vanitas.

“Is having them that bad?”

“Um… Well…” Ven floundered for words. “Kinda? It’s just…weird.”

“Weird?”

“Even if I can’t see your memories on purpose, it feels weird that I have them. They’re not mine, it feels like I’m looking at someone’s secrets.”

“If I take my memories back, will you start hating me again?”

“Huh?” 

“You don’t hate me right now, right?” Vanitas asked. “I haven’t felt hate from you for a while, other than… That one time.”

Ven shuddered, recalling their fight. “Yeah, I… I guess I haven’t hated you for a while.”

It was strange to admit out loud, he hadn’t even consciously realized it until Vanitas brought it up. 

“With my memories back, would you hate me again?” Vanitas repeated.

“I’m not sure.” Ven admitted. “If you’re exactly how you used to be, I might.”

Vanitas didn’t respond.

“You might be different, though. Since you have new memories to go with those, y’know?”

“Maybe.” Vanitas nodded. 

“Why do you wanna know?” Ven asked. A realization dawned upon him. “Do you…not want me to hate you?”

Vanitas hesitated, then nodded. 

“Are you trying to decide if you want your memories back or not?”

Vanitas nodded again.

“If you do take them back, become a better person. If you’re a good person, then I definitely won’t hate you.”

Vanitas was quiet as he internalized Ven’s words. “I’ll try.”

“Good!” Ven grinned, then stood back up. “I’m gonna grab breakfast now, unless there’s something else you wanted to talk about..?”

“No, that’s all.” Vanitas shook his head. “I’ll let you know when I decide. Thanks, Ventus.”

Later that day, Ienzo sent Ven a date for the procedure.

—

Time felt like it crawled by over the next two days, Ienzo and Namine needing time to prepare beforehand. Ven felt increasingly antsy, like his body was trying to vibrate from sheer nervous excitement. Vanitas seemed much more nervous than anything else, and it felt strange to see him experiencing his own emotions after so long. Ven had somewhat noticed it once or twice, but it wasn’t until breakfast-for-dinner that he had truly realized that Vanitas’ condition had improved. It was slow and subtle, until it wasn’t. 

The day of the procedure finally arrived, both Aqua and Terra stating that they wanted to come with. Ven felt a bit like he was being babied, though it was something important, something big. They wanted to support him, and that was more than enough to fill his heart with warmth; drowning out the small taste of bitterness.

Vanitas stood and listened in from a distance, arms crossed but his face blank. He’d never given Ven a concrete answer for wanting his memories back or not — Ven wasn’t even sure if he was coming to the lab. 

Aqua and Terra headed off to grab a few things before departure, and Ven decided to wait in the gummiship. He stepped forward, and felt a tug on the back of his jacket.

He turned around quickly, barely catching Vanitas’ arm dropping to his side.

“Did you…need something?” Ven asked, uncomfortable. Vanitas had never done anything like that before.

“Is it too late to decide?”

_ Oh. _ Ven shook his head and offered what he hoped was a kind smile. “It’s not too late, we haven’t left yet. Are you still thinking it over?”

“I’ll take them back. If it works.” Vanitas’ words were clipped — not angry, but like he wanted to stop speaking as quickly as he could.

“Okay. Let’s go wait for Aqua and Terra in the gummiship, then.”

Vanitas nodded stiffly and followed Ven’s lead. It was a relatively quiet journey to Radiant Garden, which Ven was thankful for. As much as he wanted this procedure to work, he didn’t want to get his hopes up too high — no one was truly sure how things would go. 

Entering the lab was strange, its modified layout making it feel more clinical and impersonal than a lab normally would. Ven couldn’t help but feel a bit more anxious about it all.

“Good to see you, Ven.” Ienzo smiled, only briefly looking up from his computer. 

“You too.” Ven managed to smile back. “You ready for us?”

“Just about- Oh, us? Will Vanitas be joining you?” 

“Yeah, he decided before we left. Is that okay?”

“Oh, yes, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it, since I heard nothing of it.” Ienzo tapped at his computer a few more times and then turned towards Ven, apparently finished.

“Sorry about that.” 

“Not a problem. Did he come with you..?” Ienzo peered around Ven, to the doorway.

“Aqua and Terra came with me… I wonder if he’s with them?” 

“That seems likely.”

“I’ll go grab him!” Ven turned and hurried out of the lab, into the halls. After a few turns down random hallways, he found Vanitas. He held his arms around him tightly, walking slow.

“Vanitas..? What’re you doing?”

Vanitas’ head snapped up towards Ven, and he approached quickly. “It’s nothing.”

“Okay…” Ven decided to move on, rather than try to get a real answer. “They’re ready for us in the lab.”

“Okay.” Vanitas nodded slightly. He waited apprehensively for Ven to take the lead, before taking a single step.

“Are you nervous?” Ven murmured.

Vanitas was quiet for a moment. 

“Yes.” He admitted.

“That’s okay. I am too.”

“I know.”

“Oh, right.” Ven smiled wryly. “Sorry for that, it’s probably not helping you at all…”

Vanitas shrugged, and they continued back to the lab quietly; the air thick with nervous energy.

Namine had arrived by the time they got back, she stood by Ienzo’s computer, talking quietly with him.

“Found him, we’re ready now.” Ven announced their entrance.

“Oh, perfect! We have everything set up, if you two wouldn’t mind laying down. We’re going to do your procedures back-to-back, provided that the first one is successful.” Ienzo gestured towards two cots.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ven.” Namine waved, a small smile on her lips.

“You too.” Ven returned the smile. “Thanks for agreeing to help us out.”

“I’ll do whatever I can.” Namine then turned towards Vanitas and nodded in greeting. “It’s nice to meet you, Vanitas. I hope I can help you, too.”

Vanitas was still for a moment, before nodding in return. “Thanks.”

Ven, and then Vanitas, laid down on the cots and waited. Ienzo set to work, hooking them up with wires and connections — it seemed like a few more than last time. 

Ienzo signaled that he was going to put them under, and Ven quickly drifted off.

-

He woke in a foggy haze, wanting to roll over and go back to sleep. He tried, and felt a tug on his arm.  _ Oh, right. _ Ven exhaled heavily and cracked his eyes open, taking in the lab’s ceiling as his mind fully woke up. The room was quiet, only the sounds of buttons on the computer being pressed. It was almost an eerie quiet, Ven couldn’t help but wonder if something was going wrong, somehow.  _ Ienzo said it was risk-free, though… _

“Okay.” Namine’s voice came from across the room. She sounded worn out. “I’m done. You can let him wake, now.”

Ven peeked at Vanitas out of the corner of his eye, and watched him enter the waking world with a gasp and wide eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're gettin places..!


	8. Floodwall

Vanitas was slammed out of his sedation, his entire being nearly bursting with things returned; things trying to find their places again in his heart and mind. He jerked himself upright, ignoring the stinging pull of the wire-tape attached to him. Someone was talking to him, but he couldn’t process their words. Everything was too white, too bright, too loud.

He yanked the wires off of himself, and another voice joined in the chatter. The blonde girl — _Na… Na mi n e ?_ — stepped closer to him. 

He jumped off the cot and stepped back.

There was _Ventus_ , looking at him and _radiating_ concern.

“Vanitas, are you okay?” Namine asked — words suddenly clear enough to make him stop staring back at Ventus. 

“Can you sit down for a moment? Try to relax.” The scientist — _Ien…zo…_ — spoke next.

Vanitas growled like a cornered animal, two instinctual reactions trying to yank him in different directions.

“Vanitas..?” Ventus’ voice slammed into Vanitas’ psyche, and one instinct won a swift victory.

He teleport-dashed out of the room, through long and confusing hallways, until he found a room that seemed isolated and unused.

All but collapsing behind the door, Vanitas started trying to sift through his new — _original, returned_ — memories. Clutching his head in his hands, it felt like his skull was going to be torn apart. The old and the new fighting for space inside.

He wanted it to stop.

Vanitas realized he’d curled up on the floor at some point. He realized he’d been crying.

Another wave of despair swept around him — _from Ventus_ — and he realized he’d been letting Ventus in, allowing him to know, to feel—

He slammed the wall down between them.

“ _T_ _here’s no way._ ” Vanitas whispered to himself, eyes wide and darting around the room. He needed out. Too disoriented and exhausted to open a dark corridor, his only option was to sneak out.

—

“Vanitas..?” Ven asked cautiously.

Then, Vanitas was gone.

“What should we-?” Namine started to ask.

“I gotta go find him!” Ven interrupted. Frantically, he started pulling the wire-tape off of himself. 

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Ienzo asked.

“If you see him, try to stall him or something.” Ven hopped off his cot and ran down the halls, to the room Aqua and Terra were waiting in.

“Ven, is everything okay?!” Aqua stood quickly. “Did something happen?”

“It’s- He- Vanitas ran off..!” Ven panted out. “I gotta find him.”

“Is he…remembering everything?” Terra asked.

“I don’t know, he didn’t say anything before he ran..!” Ven shook his head. “He looked scared…”

“We’ll help you look.” Aqua said, and Terra nodded in agreement. “Just be on your guard, we have no idea if he’s…returned to how he was before.”

Ven’s heart twisted at the thought — he didn’t want that. He really didn’t want that. He wanted…

“Ven? What’s wrong?” Terra leaned down, closer to eye level.

“Huh?” Ven sniffled, and realized he’d started crying. “I…just feel really awful all of a sudden…” His heart ached fiercely, a sadness he’d never experienced himself.

“I think Vanitas is crying.” Ven murmured. “We _have_ to find him.” 

The sadness weighed heavier, and heavier, and heavier with each step; until Ven was a curled up mess of tears.

“You should take a break, it’s okay, Ven… We’ll find him.” Terra offered.

“No, I-” Ven sobbed. Then, the sadness was gone. The tears stopped falling. Ven roughly wiped his face with his arm. “I think he just shut me out…”

“What do you mean?” Aqua asked.

“I’m not sure how else to put it.” Ven admitted. “We gotta hurry, though! We gotta find him!”

Terra nodded seriously. “Let’s go.”

Ven and Terra rushed ahead, with Aqua following close behind. They split up, taking different hallways to search.

Ven hurried down his hallway, slamming open every door to peek inside before moving on to the next one. 

“Vanitas?! Vanitas are you in here?!”

There was a bang in the next room over, like something heavy hitting the floor. Ven burst inside, looking around in the dark. Nothing looked off, other than a large box that seemed out of place. Ven looked up the shelving unit it must have fallen off of — two golden eyes, nearly glowing from the hallway’s light. _Vanitas._

“What happened? Why are you up there?”

Vanitas tensed up, perched like a cat; and pounced. Ven slammed the door shut with his shoulder, Vanitas landing ungracefully on him from the sudden move.

“ _What are you doing?!_ ” Vanitas practically snarled the words out.

“Trying to talk to you!”

“Let me go, Ventus!”

“No! Either talk to me, or get out yourself!” Ven pushed Vanitas off of him, and Vanitas staggered backwards onto his feet.

“Let me out, Ventus, or I’ll kill you!” 

“Do it, then.” 

Vanitas froze, staring at Ven in bewilderment. “ _What?_ ”

“If you’d rather kill me than talk, kill me.” Ven stared right back, defiant. 

“You’ve completely lost it.” Vanitas stepped back. “You _know_ what I’m capable of.”

“Yeah. But I don’t think you’ll do it.” Ven’s gaze hardened. “I’m calling your bluff.”

“I will.” Vanitas’ voice was barely a whisper. He summoned his keyblade and charged, slamming Ven into the door and pinning him against it. “ _I will._ ”

Ven didn’t respond, staring into Vanitas’ eyes. He pushed down the urge to summon his own keyblade, to protect himself, to fight.

Vanitas stared back. He flexed his arm, flexed his hand; but his keyblade didn’t move. His eyes flitted around the room, anywhere but at Ven’s eyes. 

“I don’t think you will.” Ven murmured.

“I will.” Vanitas’ voice wavered. He looked down at the floor, hiding his face from Ven’s sight. “Stop looking at me.”

“I just want to talk to you. _Please._ ”

Vanitas’ breath hitched slightly, but he stayed quiet.

“Can we talk?” Ven tried again, as gentle as possible.

Vanitas dismissed his keyblade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha , oh boy
> 
> (also sorry for the memory stuff being in an image, ao3 kept fucking with my formatting;;;)


	9. Sever, Connect

Vanitas let his arm drop as he dismissed his keyblade.

Silence stretched between the two.

Vanitas nearly jumped at the sudden, quiet sound of fabric shifting as Ventus’ back slid down the door; sitting against it. Reminding Vanitas that he was more-or-less trapped.

“So, I’m guessing the procedure worked.” Ventus’ tone was firm, but weary. “Since you summoned your keyblade.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. It’s my heart’s weapon either way.”

“You weren’t this  _ contrary _ without your memories, either.” Ventus rolled his eyes.

Vanitas didn’t dignify that with a response, though he joined Ventus on the floor — still looking pointedly away.

“Why’d you run?”

“Take a guess.” Vanitas sighed, trying to sound annoyed.

Ventus was quiet for a moment. “You were scared. I know you were. I don’t have to guess.”

“Then why  _ ask? _ ” Vanitas snapped defensively.

“I wanna hear it from you. I wanna know  _ why _ you were scared.”

“And, why do you think I’d tell you something like that so easily?” Vanitas scoffed. “I’m not so stupid that I’d hand any weaknesses to you on a platter.”

“Why are you so sure I’d turn on you?” Ventus asked. 

Vanitas went silent. Memories of battles past flashed through his mind — all he knew. Almost.

“I thought you wanted to change.” 

Ventus waited for a response, watching Vanitas — wary but with eyes full of hope. 

“You can’t honestly believe that’s possible.” Vanitas curled up, wrapping his arms around his legs and tucking his chin behind his knees.

“Well… We’re sitting here and having a conversation, and not killing each other. I think that’s a pretty good start.”

Vanitas sat in silence, biting down on the inside of his cheek, trying to figure out how to tell Ventus  _ there’s no way it’ll happen _ in a way he’d actually listen to.  _ That stubborn idiot. _

“So, how come you were crying earlier?” Ventus’ voice was barely a murmur, but Vanitas glared at him like he’d been shouting.

“If I won’t tell you why I was  _ scared _ , why would you even  _ begin to think _ I’d tell you that?!” Vanitas jumped up and leaned down, close to Ventus’ face. “Do you  _ ever  _ use that brain of yours?”

Ventus huffed out an exhale, pouting; and Vanitas realized how close he was.  _ I could kill Ventus, or I could—  _

Cutting the thought off, Vanitas quickly stepped back, into the shadows of the dark room to hide his face.

“If you won’t tell me, I’m just going to guess until I get it right!” Ventus called out. “I’ve got some pretty good guesses.”

Vanitas kept quiet, not wanting to dignify a  _ guessing game _ with a response.

“I think part of it was from your memories — honestly, I think that’s why you were scared, too.” Ventus started. Vanitas broke into a cold sweat.  _ Nononono shut up shut up. _

“I didn’t think about it at first, but it was probably really overwhelming.” Ventus continued on, not deterred by Vanitas’ silence. “I didn’t see very much of your memories, but I had a couple nightmares that… That I think were yours. You hurt a lot, don’t you.”

Vanitas’ mouth was filled with the overwhelming taste of iron, and he realized he’d bitten down much too hard on his cheeks. He carefully relaxed his jaws, and kept silent as his mouth slowly began to fill with blood.

Ventus was quiet for a long moment.

“I want to help ease your pain.” 

“ _ What? _ ” Vanitas asked in shock, momentarily forgetting about his wound. He felt blood stream down his chin, and snapped his mouth shut.

“I mean it. It took me a long time to realize it, but you’re not pure evil. Right?” Ventus looked into the darkness — somehow managing to make direct eye contact with Vanitas. “You started feeling things on your own, but you didn’t do anything terrible.”

Vanitas kept his mouth  _ shut _ , swallowing down his own blood.

“I know it’s scary, but can you give it a chance? Can you give me a chance?” Ventus pleaded.

_ ‘Can you give me a chance?’ _ echoed through Vanitas’ mind, and in response its shadows chattered out a  _ ‘There’s no way! There’s no way! There’s no way!’ _

Ventus stood up, back still against the door. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“I-” Vanitas cut himself off to swallow a bit of blood, then stepped closer to Ventus. Closer to the light. “Why would you want to help something like  _ me? _ ” He got up close to Ventus’ face —  _ not as close as last time _ — and felt a gross satisfaction curl up in his insides when Ventus stared at the black blood streaked down his chin. 

_ Something so obviously and disgustingly dark wouldn’t be tolerated.  _

Ventus hesitated, then looked back up to make eye contact with Vanitas.

“Are you okay..? You’re bleeding…” Ventus started to raise his arms, and Vanitas jerked backwards with a hiss.

“I’m _ fine _ .” He said, for lack of anything else. He was ready for  _ disgust _ , for  _ rejection _ , for  _ anything but that _ .

Taking advantage of Vanitas’ shock, Ventus reached forward, hand near to — but not touching — Vanitas. 

“ _ Cure. _ ” Ventus whispered.

Unthinkingly, Vanitas reached for his cheek. This was his second time being healed. Ever. His first time being aware enough to feel it.

He’d always had to stitch himself back up, had to use his negativity and darkness to force some semblance of  _ okay enough to function _ .

Suddenly, he felt like crying again.

Ventus jerked his hand back. “Vanitas, are you okay?! I didn’t…mess that up somehow, did I?!” Despite how forcefully Vanitas had slammed the wall down between them, he could still sense Ventus’ genuine worry.

Vanitas shook his head, unable to make himself speak any more.

“Then… What’s wrong?” 

Vanitas shook his head again, then raised his arm to wipe the blood off his chin with his sleeve. It was starting to dry, getting thick and sticky.

“Wait, do you want to  _ actually _ clean yourself off? One of the rooms I looked in earlier had a sink, I think!” 

Vanitas shrugged, but dropped his arm. Ventus smiled widely, understanding. 

“Let’s go, then!” Ventus held the door open for Vanitas, then beckoned him to follow.

_ ‘Can you give me a chance?’  _

_ Maybe. _

_ Maybe I could. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these boys r just a mess, i tell ya.
> 
> hope u don't mind how irregularly i update this (i hope u enjoy these frequent ones recently, lol)


	10. Normal

After Vanitas washed himself off, Ven texted Aqua and Terra to let them know that things were fine. The two made their way back to Ienzo and Namine, and Ven thanked them both while Vanitas hung back a bit; keeping his distance. The ride home afterward was uncomfortable, everyone feeling tense and exhausted. But, Vanitas was with them, and Ven couldn’t help but feel a wash of pride that he’d decided to come. He still hadn’t spoken since Ven healed him, but was at least receptive to Ven’s words.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t stubbornness. 

Aqua and Terra took over cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, letting Ven and Vanitas get some rest and time to fully re-orient themselves. At some point in the evening, Vanitas slipped away — again, without a word. Ven decided against searching for him, as much as he wanted to. Vanitas had come home, and that was enough for now. 

The next morning, Ven was surprised to find Vanitas  _ not  _ sleeping outside of his room. 

It was a routine that felt strange to lose, since Vanitas had continued sleeping there after he’d started to feel his own emotions again. Ven couldn’t help but feel a small pang of sadness at the loss. He ate breakfast slowly, and after seeing no signs of Vanitas, decided that it was time to look for him. Ven grabbed an apple, figuring that even if Vanitas still wanted to be alone, at least he could be alone with a bit of food in his stomach. He had a hunch that Vanitas was in the library, for some reason, and decided to look there first.

The door opened with a slight creak, and Ven cautiously stepped inside. Admittedly, he had no idea what to expect from Vanitas. Had no idea how Vanitas would react to seeing him. But, he continued forward, quickly scanning the tabletops to see if Vanitas was sitting in any of the chairs. No such luck. Ven peeked under tables and in the corners behind bookshelves, moving slowly further and further into the library.

Finally, in one of those corners, he found Vanitas. 

His eyes were half open, head resting against the bookshelf. He looked groggy, like sleep was trying to pull him back under. His eyes snapped the rest of the way open when he noticed Ven, and he sat up straighter.

“What do you want?” Vanitas asked, a bit warily.

“I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come out for breakfast or not, so I brought you some food.” Ven held the apple out to him, and Vanitas took it with both hands. He silently glanced at Ven before holding the apple close to his face, turning it over and inspecting the whole thing before he finally took a bite. 

“Thanks.” He mumbled.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” 

Vanitas shrugged. “Same old.”

“I’m not really sure what that means, for you. I don’t know what your ‘normal’ is.” 

Vanitas took another bite of his apple, chewing slowly to stall his answer. “Why?”

“Because I care.”

Vanitas choked, briefly hunching forward and and hacking out a cough; before looking back up at Ven with an intense stare. 

“ _ Why? _ ”

“Because I realized you’re not pure evil, or whatever.” Ven joined Vanitas on the floor, keeping a bit of distance. “You did some awful stuff, but I realized you’re not all awful.”

Vanitas ducked his head and looked away, hiding most of his face from view. “Fair enough.”

“So will you tell me how you are?” Ven asked, hopeful.

“Fine.” Vanitas sighed. “Don’t blame me if you regret asking. I’m tired, sore, hungry, and about five kinds of stressed out. _ No, _ I will not tell you which five.”

Ven couldn’t help but pout for a moment at Vanitas’ stubbornness. “Wait, if you’re tired and sore, does that mean you slept in here last night..?”

“I had to sleep _ somewhere. _ I’m not gonna wander the halls all night like some kind of ghost or something.”

“You have a room, you know…”

Vanitas mumbled something, too quiet to hear.

“Huh? I didn’t catch that.”

“ _ I said, _ I don’t remember where it is.” Vanitas growled, tone low. “I never slept there.”

“Oh, that makes sense…” Ven said. “You could’ve asked one of us where it is, though.”

“ _ No I couldn’t! _ ” Vanitas snapped. “It’s not that simple!”

“Wh- Why not?” Ven stammered a bit, surprised by the sudden aggression. Scared by it.

“It was hard enough just agreeing to come here! I just can’t- I can’t!” Vanitas clutched his head in his hands, shaking his head.

Ven realized the fear he was feeling wasn’t his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you too much…” Ven chewed on his lip, unsure what to do. “I didn’t think about it…”

“ _ Obviously. _ ” Vanitas said, scoffing.

For a moment, Ven was thrown off by Vanitas’ sudden change in mood. But, he could still feel that fear— 

_ How many times has he done this? How many times has he put up a front to hide his real feelings? _

Ven didn’t dare ask, not now. Not yet.

“Quit looking at me like that.” 

“Like what?” Ven asked, confused. He didn’t think he’d been making some kind of face.

“Like an idiot.” Vanitas said plainly.

Ven fought down the urge to protest and call Vanitas’ behavior out.  _ Not a good idea.  _ He settled for an eye roll.

“Maybe I wouldn’t look at you like that if you weren’t so rude.” 

Vanitas made a rude gesture and started eating his apple again, rather than responding. The fear receded a little bit, and Ven’s posture relaxed. He hadn’t even realized that he’d tensed up.

After a long moment of near-silence, Ven got up and stretched.

“I’ll leave you alone now.” He said. “Um… You can still eat anything from the kitchen, if you’re still hungry.”

Vanitas glanced up at Ven, before replying with a monotone _“’Kay.”_

Ven left the library and headed off to do some training, unsure if he’d done the right thing or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to stop and ask myself "am i really going to write vani choking on his food." writing this chapter. the answer was obviously yes lmao
> 
> riding out this hyperfocus train as long as i can !!! i'm kinda stuck with limited activities rn too , i have a rly badly pinched nerve (like 'i've been in pain for over 10 days straight' bad) in my shoulder, so writing is uhhhhh a really good way to pass the time !!!


	11. Then, Now, and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emeto warning for a later bit in this chapter. its a bit detailed so uhh, sorry  
> if you wanna skip it, stop after 'it becomes something much more precious.' and then skip the paragraph.

Vanitas finished his apple slowly after Ventus left, trying to get  _ something _ down; despite his churning stomach. Hazy, barely-remembered days of an empty stomach and shaky limbs were enough to dissuade him from going  _ completely _ hungry.

_ But… Now what? _

The thought came from the back of his head, and for a moment he wasn’t sure if it was referring to  _ now _ or  _ in general _ . He decided it didn’t really matter. Both. Whatever.

For now, Vanitas decided to throw his apple core away in the kitchen garbage. He could figure out the rest when he got there. He walked through the hallways as quietly as he could, unsure where  _ the other two were _ . If it wasn’t for Ventus dragging him along, they would have left him. He was sure of it. 

Just the thought of it —  _ What would I do? Where could I even  _ **_go_ ** _? _ — was enough to upset his stomach more, so the plan was to avoid them until further notice. _ If Ventus hadn’t convinced me to come…  _

Vanitas bit down on the inside of his cheek, before the thought could go any further. He waited outside the kitchen for a moment, entering after he was sure no one was inside. With the apple core in the trash, he needed a step two. 

After looking over his shoulder a few times, thinking someone was coming in, Vanitas decided to find a hiding place or two. 

Wandering aimlessly wasn’t quite as bad when there was a reason for it. He made sure not to go too far into places he hadn’t before, no point in having a hiding spot that you can’t find. 

Eventually, Vanitas found one. A weird crawlspace-type of thing in the back of a storage closet. Low to the ground, in the dark, easily hidden by moving the boxes in the closet around a bit. Being indoors had started to feel a bit uncomfortable since getting his memory back, but sometimes…a small place was needed. Somewhere that you won’t have to worry about watching your back. Vanitas decided to go wander outside, after finding a second hiding place. He’d neared the end of the hallways he knew, and doubled back to try somewhere else.

Too caught up in his thoughts, Vanitas didn’t hear the two voices until he’d almost rounded the corner. 

He jerked back with a sharp inhale, and sunk down into a puddle of darkness as he heard footsteps approach. He flowed quickly to a decorative table, posing as a shadow. 

“Vanitas..?” Terra looked around in confusion. “Weird, that sounded like him. Right?”

“Yeah, it did.” Aqua replied, not sounding thrilled at all. “He probably teleported away or something. I don’t like him having free reign inside the castle like this…”

“I know, but Ven really has faith in him.”

Vanitas tensed all over, stopping himself from following through with the impulse to lunge at them.  _ You knew it was like this. You knew. You already knew. _ It was all he could do to rush away as soon as their backs were turned. He didn’t bother listening to the rest of their conversation.

Once he felt like he was far enough away, he rose out of the darkness and curled up against the wall.

He’d known already that love was conditional. He knew there was no way Terra would treat him the same as he had been. But…he couldn’t stop the misery welling up inside his stupid, worthless excuse for a heart. He’d been so kind, so warm. Always asking how Vanitas was doing or feeling — even before there was any feelings to ask about. He’d been careful, but never overly so, when explaining Vanitas’ missing past. He’d answered every stupid question Vanitas had asked; once Vanitas had enough awareness to  _ have _ stupid questions. It had only been a short time; but when a short time is all you have, it becomes something much more precious.

He missed Terra. 

The thought tipped Vanitas over the edge, stomach twisting painfully. He shot up from the floor and rushed to the nearest bathroom — luckily only a couple doors down — and dropped to his knees in front of the toilet. He tried to breathe slow,  _ deep breaths, _ until a feverish hotness swept through him. His body involuntarily heaved, and he vomited bile and yesterday’s blood. He stared down at it, draped over the toilet bowl and trying again to breathe slowly. He half-expected an Unversed to claw its way out of the gunk; like when he was new and had no self-control. After a long moment, the sickness seemed to have passed. He rinsed his mouth out with water from the tap, flushed, and left. 

Exhausted, Vanitas decided to allow himself a nap. He trudged through the hallways, wondering if he should just pick a random guest room to sleep in. But, as he passed the library, he saw a bright sunbeam, the mid-afternoon light being let in by the library’s large windows. Tempting. 

He kept walking. With each step, Vanitas’ body tried more and more to pull him into sleep. Weeks and weeks and weeks of uncomfortable, frequently-interrupted sleep, and one night of barely any sleep at all, had worn him down. He turned around, abandoning the idea of sleeping in a bed. Vanitas headed straight for the nearest sunbeam, curling up on the floor and letting the sun’s warmth lull him to sleep.

-

Vanitas slowly opened his eyes, groggy and disoriented. Before his instincts could kick in, a gentle tide of fondness flowed over Vanitas. He let his eyelids droop, barely able to make out his surroundings. The sunbeam had left him while he slept, but now the sun was right in front of him with a warm smile. Something soft and heavy was draped over him, and Vanitas drifted back off to sleep.

-

Vanitas woke feeling much better, he’d really needed the rest. He realized there was an unfamiliar weight on him, and his eyes snapped open. _ A blanket? It wasn’t a dream? _ Vanitas stared at it, not understanding _ why _ …why any of that had happened. He couldn’t deny it, though. The blanket was warm, soft, and definitely real. Wrapping it around his shoulders like a giant cape, Vanitas headed to his storage closet. He curled up in the little crawlspace, cocooned himself in the blanket, and closed his eyes to get some more sleep. He decided to wait and deal with the not-dream tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vaaanniiiii, if you're gonna eavesdrop at least do a good job...


	12. Flight

Vanitas woke, feeling a bit cramped, but decently-rested for once in his life. He listened closely for footsteps in the hallway, and waited a few minutes before he crawled out of his spot; then quickly folded the blanket and stowed it away for future use.

Breakfast sounded like a good idea, after losing the only food he’d eaten yesterday. As quietly as possible, Vanitas headed down to the kitchen. He could feel Ventus inside, a quiet calm seeping through a small gap in the wall between them. 

Hunger won over the desire to be alone —  _ to not face his fears _ — and Vanitas entered the kitchen. He turned away, feeling Ventus’ gaze on him almost immediately. Vanitas took his time getting himself a bagel, knowing that at any moment-

“Hey, Vanitas. Did you sleep okay?” 

An innocent question, but Vanitas’ shoulders still involuntarily tensed. “Yeah, fine.” 

“That’s good. You can come sit, if you want.” 

Vanitas paused, weighing his options thoroughly. “No, I was going to head outside.”

“Aqua and Terra are out there sparring, right now, so if you want to…avoid…them…” Ventus trailed off, watching Vanitas roughly pulling a chair from the table to sit on.

Vanitas kept his eyes down, ripping off a chunk of his cinnamon bagel and popping it into his mouth.

“Did something happen..?” Ventus asked. Vanitas tried to ignore the discomfort that Ventus’ concern caused. 

“I didn’t do anything, so no.” 

“That’s not what I meant, Vanitas…” Ventus frowned. “Like, you didn’t get… I dunno, yelled at or something?” 

Vanitas scoffed. “Of course not, Ventus. I’m not so stupid that I’d go and hang around people that hate me.”

“They don’t hate you!” Ventus protested, but quieted when Vanitas shot him a look. “I mean…Aqua still distrusts you, but Terra spent a lot of time with you, right?”

“Yeah, before I got my memories back.” Vanitas looked away, just barely keeping Ventus at the edge of his vision. “I wasn’t  _ me _ , and that’s what he liked.”

Ventus looked crestfallen, and Vanitas gritted his teeth against the sadness that flowed from him. 

“You don’t know that for sure, Vanitas…”

“I heard him. He said-” Vanitas felt like he was going to choke on the words before he could say them. “That…you believe in me.  _ You. _ Not him.”

“Vanitas, wait-”

“It doesn’t matter, Ventus!” Vanitas shot up from his chair. “I understand why he doesn’t. I  _ don’t _ understand why you do.” 

“We talked about this…” Ventus frowned, eyes determined. “Plus… You don’t have to understand why. As long as you know I have faith in you, that’s a start.” His frown curved up into a small, but hopeful smile.

A moment of silence stretched between them, staring into each other’s eyes. Vanitas broke first, eyes flicking away as he felt his face start to warm.

“Ugh, you’re so  _ stubborn. _ ” Vanitas groaned.

“Yeah? So are you.” Ventus replied blithely, almost teasing. Vanitas bit back a smile, confused by the now-casual atmosphere.

_ What is this?! He was supposed to get angry, yell,  _ **_Why is Ventus so calm now?_ **

_ Why does he keep doing this? _

Vanitas felt glued to the floor, stuck between staying and going. 

“If you wanna avoid Aqua and Terra, there’s a path to the left. It’s a really steep downhill, though.” Ventus said, then chewed on his lip nervously.

Vanitas blinked owlishly, then nodded. “Right.” He turned to leave, then paused. “Thanks, Ventus.”

Ventus didn’t reply, but Vanitas could feel his surprise, and then happiness, make their way through the wall’s gap. They curled around Vanitas, as if trying to warm him.

Without so much as a glance back, Vanitas headed outside. He stuck close to the castle wall at first, before finding the path Ventus had mentioned. It was a halfway grown-over dirt path, hard to discern from the rest of the area. That was a plus, though. No one but Ventus would think to look here. 

Finally starting to relax a bit, Vanitas worked through his bagel as he walked. The terrain quickly became rocky and uneven, and Vanitas entertained himself a bit by climbing up the higher spots and leaping off them. He decided he’d probably rested enough to try using magic again, and teleport-dashed from rocky spire to rocky spire; grinning as the wind rushed through his hair.

It was…fun. Without danger or pain or other people looming over him, Vanitas could let go and just  _ move, _ letting his senses and instincts take over for a bit. 

Morning faded into noon, faded into the early afternoon. 

It wasn’t until he tired, that Vanitas realized he’d gone a long way from the castle. His stomach growled, and he placed his hand over it, grimacing in irritation. He closed his eyes and focused for a moment, checking to see how much magic he had left. Not a ton, but enough to get…most of the way back, if he was careful.

He just had to figure out the most direct route. 

Vanitas took his time, trying to map the path out in its entirety. It was a bit rough once he got to the further spots, distances hard to discern. 

But, it was as good as he was going to get, until he got close. 

He took off, covering every last bit of distance that he could, stretching how far the teleport could take him with each dash. Closer and closer, as his legs tired and his magic depleted. Close, so close.

Desperate to get back so that he could rest, Vanitas did one last teleport-dash — not far enough. He’d misjudged. His eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as he fell. _ So, this is how it would’ve felt… _

Vanitas tried to will some sort of goodbye out, an apology to Ventus, and Terra, and Aqua; for wasting their time and-

His shoulder bashed into the widening spire and he rolled, landing in a heap with a pained groan.

_ Oh. Of course. _ Vanitas sucked air back into his lungs, trying to figure out if he was disappointed or not. 

…Mostly not. Almost completely not, for once.

Vanitas hauled himself off the ground and took a look at his new surroundings. He’d been as fortunate as someone who’d fallen as far as he did could be, landing in a place with walkable terrain that went almost all the way back to the path. He’d just have to climb the rest of the way. The thought made his shoulder throb, but he started ahead regardless. 

It was slow going, the walk was manageable — definitely not the worst — but the climb forced his jaw to clench, pain shooting through his shoulder with every movement. Walking up the path was a breeze in comparison, but Vanitas still ended up hunched over, holding onto his shoulder as if it would somehow relieve the pain, by the time he neared the castle. 

He was tempted to find Ventus and — as pathetic as the thought was — reveal a bit of his injury to see if he’d get healed again or not. 

Maybe he could even get some food out of it. 

Pity felt disgusting, but Vanitas was too tired, too hungry, too hurt to let something like that bother him.

“Vanitas?”

He stopped and stood straight up with an involuntary wince, dropping his hand from his injured shoulder. 

“Are you alright?” Terra stepped towards him cautiously. 

Vanitas’ mind spun out, having no idea what the correct way to respond was supposed to be.  _ Why is he  _ **_talking to me?!_ **

“Do I  _ look  _ alright?” Vanitas snapped. 

“Right, sorry. What happened?”

“Fell off a cliff.” Vanitas deadpanned, and started towards the castle again. 

Terra was silent behind him for a moment, and then he said something quiet and low, something Vanitas didn’t catch.

Vanitas was enveloped in green, and the blissful feeling of  _ not hurting _ . He stopped and turned around. 

“Terra..?” He hesitated, “Does that mean you don’t hate me?”

“Hate you?! Why would you think that?” Terra approached Vanitas, again cautiously.

“I overheard you and Aqua. You said that  _ Ventus _ believes in me. Not you.”

“You  _ were _ there?!” Terra asked, thrown off guard. “I knew I heard you… But, no! That wasn’t what I meant. Me not including myself in that, doesn’t mean I hate you.”

Vanitas was quiet as he processed Terra’s words. 

“Then, what does it mean?”

“It means exactly what I said, that Ven believes in you. I do, too, but your…whole thing with running out of the lab, and hiding away, scared me a bit.” 

“It  _ scared  _ you?” Vanitas stared up at Terra in confusion.

“Well, yeah. You’d just gotten your memories back, and you disappeared. No one knew what you were thinking or anything. I wasn’t sure what to think.”

“Oh.” Vanitas looked away, before braving a glance back up at Terra’s earnest, open expression. “I’m…sorry. For scaring you.”

“Apology accepted.” Terra smiled. He reached out to ruffle Vanitas’ hair, but retracted his hand. “Sorry, that’s a Ven thing. You probably wouldn’t like that much.”

“Thanks.” Vanitas murmured, just loud enough for Terra to hear. He hurried the rest of the way inside, making a beeline for the kitchen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stayed up too late bc i wanted to get this done/posted before i have to go to a wedding tomorrow;;; (i'm literally so afraid of social gatherings rn) so hopefully my tired self didn't miss anything
> 
> i'll respond to comments soon ,,


	13. Tentative

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaa, long time no update. i hope this one isn't too stilted, since i'm trying to get back into the vibe of this au. please enjoy

The next few days went by calmly enough, though Ven didn’t see much of Vanitas. From how things seemed, Vanitas wasn’t seeing much of  _ anyone. _

Ven wasn’t sure if he should really be worried or not, but the occasional spikes of anxiety that he couldn’t explain were enough to at least feel concerned. He was  _ sure _ they were from Vanitas.

Terra had admitted that something had happened to Vanitas the other day, but hadn’t felt comfortable sharing what little he knew about the something. He’d told Ven to try giving Vanitas some space, that if Vanitas needed something he’d seek someone out.

Ven wasn’t so sure of that last part, but he agreed to giving Vanitas space. As long as the anxiety was just every once in a while, as long as it was  _ just  _ anxiety, Ven would let him have some privacy — as much privacy as someone feeling someone else’s emotions could give, at least.

Then came a legitimate panic that left Ven trying not to hyperventilate, crouched down in the hallway to calm himself and catch his breath. He felt like Vanitas was somewhere on the upper floors and took off, wondering if something had happened. Having no ideas on where to look, Ven searched off instinct, letting his heart guide the way.

Finally, he found Vanitas. Laying on the floor with his legs and feet propped up against the wall.  _ Ohh, Aqua would hate to see this.  _

“Did you need something?” Vanitas asked in monotone, not even sparing Ven a glance.

“Oh, I…” Ven trailed off, unsure how to explain himself. “Are you okay?”

Vanitas’ golden eyes flickered over at Ven’s face now, only for a split second.

“Did you _ feel  _ something? Is that why you came to look?”

Oh. Maybe explaining wouldn’t have been so hard. “Yeah, I-”

“It won’t happen again.”

“What..?” Ven wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“This is something new, it’s been hard to keep a handle on it.” Vanitas explained. “I’ll make sure not to bother you with it any more.”

“That’s not…why I came…” Ven deflated. “I wanted to see if you were okay, or if you needed anything…”

“ _ Needed anything? _ ” Vanitas’ harsh, mocking tone didn’t have the same effect when he was laying on the floor like this. “I don’t need  _ anything! _ Or anyone.” He tacked the last bit on hastily, the words lacking any bite.

“I don’t believe that one bit. I don’t think you do either. Can you tell me what’s wrong, at least?”

Vanitas looked searchingly at him, probably looking for any sign of judgment or ill intent. He looked away and stared up at the ceiling. Ven wasn’t sure if he was thinking things over, or stalling. Maybe both.

“Why am I here?” Vanitas finally spoke.

“Um… Because I convinced you to come back with me?” Ven once again wasn’t expecting the response he was given.

“ _ No. _ Like, in general.” Vanitas gestured vaguely with one hand. 

“I  _ really _ don’t understand…”

Vanitas sighed, long and loud. “Why am I still around, why do I still exist? Like, what’s the  _ point? _ ”

“Oh…” Ven wasn’t sure what to say, that was a gaping chasm of a subject he preferred to stay away from. “I don’t know.”

He felt a small panic rise inside of him — and then it was gone as Vanitas made a slightly choked sound.

“Why don’t you?  _ You’re _ the one that got a closer to normal life.”

“Uhhh…” Ventus thought hard for a moment. “I don’t think anyone really knows? I think people just do what they want, or what feels right.”

Vanitas fell silent for a long moment.

“That’s terrifying.” Vanitas huffed out a laugh, trying to mask his obvious shame at the admittance. 

“Is it?” Ven asked.

“Having a set purpose is a lot easier.” Vanitas paused. “Mostly.” He stared up at the ceiling with a distant look, and Ven wondered if he were remembering something. 

“Mostly?”

“You told me that you…realized I hurt a lot.” Vanitas turned his head to look at Ven. Ven nodded, and Vanitas stared back up at the ceiling. “That was why…I helped carry out his plans, why I…”

“Why you what?” Ven asked gently.

“Why do you care?” Vanitas stomped one shoe against the wall.

“I wanna understand. I wanna help you.”

“I haven’t tried to pull anything, isn’t that good enough for you?”

“Is it good enough for  _ you? _ ” Ven shot back. “You can’t tell me you’re really  _ happy _ wandering around by yourself. I’ve been feeling you get anxious.”

“I don’t  _ get _ happy, Ventus! It’s not  _ for _ me!” Vanitas shot up from the floor, leaving a scuff mark on the wall. “I don’t deserve it and you  _ know that. _ ”

“Let me help you, then! I thought you were going to try and change!” Ven protested. “Become a better person so you  _ can _ deserve it!”

Vanitas didn’t answer, he stood frozen like a cornered animal.

“It’s okay if you’re scared. That’s why I wanna help. So you have someone to turn to when you’re afraid, or when it hurts really bad…”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what friends do.” Ven smiled warmly.

Vanitas glanced away. “I don’t want to be your friend.” For some reason, Ven felt like it wasn’t meant to offend. 

“That’s okay!” He laughed lightly. “I think it’d still be weird if you started calling me ‘Ven’.”

“I’d die before I  _ ever _ called you that.” Vanitas grimaced. He seemed to have relaxed a bit, at least enough to get out of his fight-or-flight mode.

“You did that one time, though.” Ven remembered aloud. “Oh…I’m sorry for snapping at you for that.”

“Hah..? Ventus, you’re an idiot…” Vanitas shook his head incredulously. “I tried to destroy you, and you’re apologizing for being a little rude once or twice?!”

Ven shrugged. “I’m still sorry. It’s not a contest.”

Vanitas glanced around the hall uncomfortably, shifting his posture. “I guess not.” 

“Are you okay..?”

“I owe you an apology.” He said, looking everywhere but at Ven.

Ven wasn’t sure how to respond — he agreed, but…

“Soon.” 

“Huh? Oh, like, not right now?” Ven asked. Vanitas nodded. “Okay. Take your time.”

“Okay.” Vanitas took a deep breath to steady himself, and then sunk into a puddle of shadow on the floor; disappearing down the hallway.

Ven watched Vanitas go, hoping that maybe he’d start coming back by his own choice — that maybe Ven had really gotten through to him. He cleaned the scuff mark off the wall, not wanting it to be forgotten and found again later. 


	14. Outreach

“This is stupid.” Vanitas kicked a small rock with more force than necessary. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into coming with you.”

“I’m surprised I managed to!” Ven grinned, unable to help himself. He’d given Vanitas time to himself after their talk, but he couldn’t tell how  _ much _ time was enough. “You should come outside more, sunlight’s good for you!”

Vanitas scoffed. “I’m a creature of darkness, Ventus, I don’t need sunlight.”

“Darkness or no, you aren’t bursting into flames. So it’s probably still good, right?” Ven thought aloud, tapping a fingertip against his chin.

“Yeah? Maybe I will after I’ve been out long enough. What then?” 

Ven nearly stopped in his tracks, needing a moment to realize that Vanitas was joking. He rolled his eyes, making sure Vanitas noticed. “You were out way longer the other day on that trail. I think if that was gonna happen, it would have already.”

Ven felt a sudden pang and glanced over, but Vanitas didn’t react to it; instead rolling his eyes back at Ven and muttering something about him being an idiot.

“Besides, once it gets dark you’ll get put out, or something.” Ven continued, trying to lighten things up. “I’m very sure that’s how that works.”

Vanitas snorted out what was almost a laugh, but cut himself off. “Moron.” 

The pang eased into something more easily swept under the rug. Ven tried to keep in mind that it was still there as the two continued their short journey to a higher-up area; the place he’d stargazed with Terra and Aqua so many times before.

“Got the blanket?” Ven asked.

“I didn’t drop it on the way, Ventus. Yes.” Vanitas shoved it towards Ven’s face. “See?”

Ven pushed it away and stuck his tongue out. “Yeah, great. Spread it on the ground then, instead of my face.” 

“What if I don’t?”

“Then no dinner for Vanitas.” Ven turned his nose up and nodded with faux seriousness. Anxiety washed over him, and he looked back towards Vanitas; who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. “Vanitas..?”

“That’s not  _ funny, _ Ventus.” 

“I-I’m sorry,” Ven stammered, “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know that was a sensitive topic…”

“ _ Obviously. _ ” Vanitas crossed his arms tightly, almost like he was holding himself. “This was a mistake, I should go.”

“Wait no, please!” Ven stepped in front of Vanitas, holding his hands up to appease. “I really am sorry, Vanitas. Please don’t go.”

“Why?”

“I wanna spend time with you.”

Vanitas wrinkled his nose. “Ew.” 

Despite apparently being grossed out, Vanitas spread the picnic blanket on the ground and sat on it; watching Ven expectantly. Ven offered a small smile and joined him, setting the picnic basket down and opening it up. He could feel Vanitas’ eyes on him as he moved, so he made sure to set Vanitas’ food right in front of him. It was typical picnic fare — sandwiches and fruits — but sometimes a simple meal was just nice to have.

Vanitas took a bite of his sandwich, looking to the middle distance; and Ven opened his mouth to apologize again.

“Don’t.” Vanitas interrupted, speaking through a mouthful of food. He finished his bite before continuing. “Twice is fine.”

“But…”

“I forgive you. So, shut up. I don’t wanna deal with you worrying about it.” Vanitas huffed out a breath. “It’s over with, just don’t make stupid jokes without thinking.”

“So… You’d rather I think before making a stupid joke?” Ven attempted to lighten the mood a bit. Vanitas groaned. “I’m sure I can think of plenty.”

“I’m gonna  _ die. _ ” Vanitas whined. His lament was quickly abandoned as he resumed eating his sandwich. “You put so much tomato on this thing.”

“Is that okay? I thought you liked tomato…” Ven wondered aloud, finally starting on his own dinner. The faintest hints of embarrassment and gladness brushed at his consciousness.

“I do. It’s good.” 

“I’m glad you like it.” Ven smiled. 

Vanitas nodded in response, and the two ate in a calm quiet; listening to the sounds of nature as the sky darkened overhead. The stars came out with the night sky, and Ven moved the picnic basket to the side. He laid down with his hands resting behind his head, like a pillow.

“C’mon Vanitas, it’s nicer for your neck if you stargaze laying down.” 

“Yeah, hang on.” Vanitas shook his head slowly. “So impatient.” He laid down slowly, almost hesitantly; leaving his knees slightly bent and the soles of his shoes flat on the ground. 

Silence felt like it stretched between them. It was only a short moment, but to Ven it felt terribly long.

“Have you stargazed before?” Ven turned his head slightly to try and see Vanitas in the dark.

Vanitas hesitated before answering. “Yeah.”

“Oh, where?”

“Where do you  _ think? _ ” Vanitas scoffed. “Where I used to live.”

Ven chewed his lip as he thought — he realized he had no idea where Vanitas lived in the spans of time they spent apart.

“Where… Where was that?”

Anger, sorrow, jealousy, a mass of emotions too tangled to parse any further pushed into Ven — thick and heavy, he gasped out a breath in the same moment that Vanitas curled to his side with a coughing-choking noise.

“Vanitas..?” Ven scrambled up and crept closer on his knees. He didn’t understand why the reaction was so intense.

“ _ Ventus… You idiot… _ ” Vanitas gritted out. 

“I didn’t know! I  _ don’t _ know!” Ven protested, a frantic feeling of his own rising in his chest. “I’m sorry!”

“ _ Go away… _ ” Vanitas covered his mouth with his hands, breathing quickly and shallowly; and Ven realized  _ his _ worry was affecting Vanitas as well.  _ Of course…  _

Ven turned away and sat, improperly but with a good angle to see the sky. He set to work, slowly calming himself and clearing his mind. He wasn’t sure if it’d work, but he tried to purposefully send the calm to Vanitas.

After a long moment passed, Ven turned to look. Vanitas still hadn’t gotten up, but his hands were no longer covering his mouth.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what just-”

“Stop.” Vanitas interrupted. “You  _ really _ don’t know where I lived?”

“No..?” Ven puzzled, watching as Vanitas tiredly pushed himself off the ground and sat up. “How would I know?”

“Tch.” Vanitas’ lip briefly curled. He averted his gaze. “Fair enough. Near the Graveyard.”

“That’s where you..?” Ven trailed off as Vanitas nodded. “Outside? That whole time?”

“It made hating you easier.” Vanitas admitted quietly. “I could feel everything from you. I already wanted to go home, that made it worse.”

“I’m so-”

“Quit apologizing so much.” Vanitas glanced up at Ven. “ _ I’m _ the one who owes an apology.”

“But still…” Ven frowned. There was no way he could have known or helped, but he still felt guilty knowing more about Vanitas’ history.

“Whatever.” Vanitas huffed and laid back down, looking up at the sky. “Thanks for…calming me down, earlier.”

“I’m glad I managed to help, I wasn’t sure if it’d work or not.” Ven smiled warmly and followed suit, laying down as well. 

The two lay silently for a long moment, until Ven heard the quiet, shifting rustle of fabric-on-fabric. He looked and saw Vanitas’ arm partly extended towards him.

“Vanitas..?”

“Sorry.” Vanitas withdrew, yanking his arm back towards himself. “I…” He took a deep, slow breath. “Ventus, where are the Unversed..?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.” Ven kept his gaze fixed on Vanitas, confused and concerned.

“I can’t make them, they won’t come out.”

“I don’t know, Vanitas…” Ven chewed on his lower lip, thinking.  _ I haven’t seen any at all, even though he’s been having emotions for a while… Did something change when he couldn’t feel..?  _ “Do you…want to go back to the lab? I’m not sure if they’d be able to find anything, or not…”

“No. Maybe.” Vanitas exhaled heavily. “I’ll think about it. Quit looking at me.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Ven blurted out.  _ What?  _

“ _ What? _ ” Vanitas echoed his sentiments. “Ew.”

“ _ You’re _ ew.” Ven stuck his tongue out.

“Wow, great retort, Ventus.” 

“Thanks!” Ven chirped, grinning to himself at Vanitas’ scoff. He looked up at the night sky, feeling a bit closer to understanding Vanitas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little back-and-forth, i suppose :)


	15. Intrusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for taking such a long break! i lost some inspiration for a little bit, and then spent the last two months barely able to write at all due to needing to try a few different types of anxiety meds;; i hope to get back into this fic a bit more consistently!

Vanitas crept through the upper floors of the castle, slowly expanding his mental map. It was slowly becoming more difficult as he went, rooms not quite where-or-what he remembered them being. He tried to rationalize it to himself,  _ of course you’re misremembering, this place is huge;  _ but for some reason he couldn’t fully convince himself. It was unnerving.

Finding a room with windows, Vanitas peeked through and saw Ventus sparring with Aqua; with Terra observing.  _ You should be out there, too. _ A voice in the back of his mind whispered.  _ You’ve let yourself get lazy, weak. _

_ No… _

_ You are, you can feel it. _ The voice continued, sounding more and more like Xehanort.  _ You’re forgetting your purpose, boy.  _

“I don’t want to fight any more.” Vanitas murmured to an empty room. To a ghost. To himself.

_ You were  _ **_made_ ** _ to clash with the light. To deny your purpose is to deny your justification to exist. _

_ I know..! I know that! _ Vanitas tipped forward, smacking his forehead against the windowpane. Just enough to try and stop his thoughts.

It got Xehanort’s voice out of his head, but left him to deal with the aftermath alone.

He’d definitely overstayed his welcome, hadn’t he?

After watching out the window a bit longer, Vanitas slowly lowered himself to the floor and laid down. He wanted to become a formless puddle of shadows and stay that way. He could, for a while, but it would wear him out sooner or later. So, he dealt with it. 

He carefully prodded at the idea of leaving — something he hadn’t dared think about since he agreed to stay with Ventus. He still had no idea where he’d go, what he’d do…but maybe it was just something he’d have to figure out as he went.

It wasn’t something Vanitas was used to doing, but he’d somewhat managed it when he’d been relearning how to feel. 

Unthinkingly, he reached up, as if he were trying to gather the faint wisps of Ventus’ emotions into his palms; condense them into something he could easily discern. A habit he’d picked up when he was empty, when Ventus was far. It never worked, of course, but it was almost instinctual. _ A human need to feel. _

_ But I’m not human. _

Vanitas scrunched his eyes closed, forcing his mind away from the thought before it could run rampant. The room began to feel stifling, and he forced himself up and out; back down the hallways. They weren’t much better, so he headed outside. He tried to sneak past the training grounds, but Terra spotted him.

“Hey, wanna join us?”

Vanitas paused, caught off guard by the offer and the bit of happiness it caused. It was quickly drowned out, though.  _ Accept. You need to train. Prove yourself.  _

“No.” Vanitas paused, realizing Terra was looking at him with curiosity. “I’m going on a walk.” 

“Oh, okay. Have a nice walk!”

Vanitas nodded, quickly turning and walking away. Not to the spires from before, but to a wooded area. The terrain was less likely to kill him, here.

_ Weak. Lazy. Coward. If the terrain itself can kill you, you deserve it. You’re supposed to be the stronger, better half. And yet, you’ve let yourself become so pathetic. _

Vanitas walked onward, clenching his jaw so hard it hurt. His cheek caught between his teeth, bleeding easily. 

Eventually, his mind wore itself out enough to stop berating him. He trudged along blankly.

His surroundings grew darker, and Vanitas realized it was evening. 

And that he was lost.

Vanitas’ thoughts picked up again, swirling as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do in this kind of situation.

_ Stay here forever and wait to rot? — No, that probably doesn’t work like that for me… Try to find my way back? Stay until someone finds me? Try to go further…?  _

Remembering that he’d burdened the trio more than enough, Vanitas decided that was the best option. Lost as he was, he could only assume he was going in the right direction.

He wandered for a while, before startling at the sound of footsteps to his right. Instinctively, he summoned his keyblade and readied himself in a battle stance. He squinted, suddenly blinded by a bright light. Listening carefully, he realized whatever was glowing, was also the source of the footsteps.

“Vanitas..?”

_ Terra..? _

Vanitas resisted the urge to strike him and flee, nervous and confused.

“You alright? Did something happen?”

“Aside from you blinding me? No.” 

“Did you get lost?”

“I was going to—”  _ Leave? Disappear forever?  _ Vanitas wasn’t sure how to answer, not completely sure himself.

“To what?” Terra asked in confusion.

“I’ve stayed here long enough. Too long.”

“You’re  _ leaving? _ ” Another voice.  _ Ventus. _ He sounded… Disappointed? Upset? That couldn’t be right, could it?

“Yes.” Vanitas kept his voice flat, controlled.

“Is that… Is that what you really want?”

Vanitas glanced away. “Y—”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying, Ventus.”

“I can  _ feel _ that you are, idiot.” Ventus stepped closer, tentatively. “Is there anything that’ll change your mind?”

“No.”

“Nothing at all..!?”

“Nothing.” Vanitas turned his back on Ventus and Terra.

“But, I don’t want you to go..!”

Vanitas froze completely, terrified and overjoyed at once.

“You don’t have to leave.” Terra chimed in.

Vanitas turned back around, fighting back the tangle of emotion in his chest and the tears trying to form in his eyes.

“Will you stay?” Ventus’ tone softened.

Vanitas hesitated, then nodded.

Ventus rushed up and wrapped his arms around Vanitas. He stiffened, and a few tears streaked down his cheeks unbeckoned.

“I’m glad.” Ventus murmured.

Vanitas didn’t understand why Ventus was glad, but his words felt warm in Vanitas’ chest.

“We won’t kick you out, Vanitas. You don’t have to worry about _ ‘too long,’  _ okay?”

Shocked by the voice, he looked up and saw Aqua — eyes less steely than they normally were when she looked at him.

He didn’t understand, he didn’t understand any of this. But it felt… Nice.

Finally convinced and somewhat calmed down, Vanitas went back to the castle with the trio. It was a quiet walk, which was a relief. He was exhausted.

When they got inside and Vanitas saw the time, he realized they were exhausted too. It was late.

Without a word to anyone else — too exhausted to speak any more — Vanitas slunk away to his hiding spot. He unfolded his blanket and wrapped around himself, feeling a bit hollow despite the earlier happiness from Ventus wanting him to stay.

He slowly drifted into sleep, dreaming of the Graveyard. There was no Master Xehanort, and no Unversed. Empty.

Vanitas woke soon after, feeling just as hollow as he’d been before he went to sleep.

He crept out of his hiding spot, blanket still draped around him to fend off the night’s chill. It was still pitch dark outside.

Vanitas headed down the hallway.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you're interested, you can find me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/strawberiglitch)
> 
> i've never posted vanven before, i'm a bit nervous;;


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